Imagine for a moment that standing before you is someone you adore, someone you cherish with all your heart. Perhaps it is your child, or a parent or grandparent. Or it might be a friend who has always been there for you, no matter what.

Pause to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and capture that well-loved face in your mind’s eye. Now, while envisioning that special someone, notice how full and warm your heart feels; notice how grateful you are and the sense of stewardship that flows through you.

When we truly hold someone close to our hearts, we treat them with the greatest respect and consideration, we tune into their wants and needs, we tend to them with loving care, and all the while we feel blessed for the gifts they bring into our lives simply by being who they are.

To these loved ones we freely acknowledge their beauty inside and out, we cheer them on when they stumble, and we truly celebrate their successes. Pleasing and nurturing them and being supportive of them rates high on our priority list. Because we cherish them, all our actions flow from an open, embracing heart and unconditional love.

Now, imagine that the person standing before you, this soul you adore, the loved one you cherish beyond measure . . . is you. Imagine receiving such complete respect, benefiting from that sense of care and stewardship, and feeling such gratitude. What if you were tuned in to your true wants and needs, what if you could smile at the beauty that is you without any “yeah, buts” popping up, and what if you placed you high on your priority list? How might that impact your life, your joy, your world?

When we think in terms of self-care, let’s not put the cart before the horse: love precedes care. Talking about ways to practice self-care is a moot point until we become deeply rooted in self-love. It is from those deep roots that we draw nourishment and sustenance to move into and through our lives in loving, self-tending ways. Ask yourself:in your day-to-day life don’t you take the best care of what you love most? Of course you do: you feel protective and engaged, heart and soul, in finding countless ways to express that love. The more self-love we feel, the easier it will be to take extraordinary care of ourselves.

What gets in the way of self-love? Obviously many things. As women we may find it much easier to love others unconditionally than to love ourselves. Some of us have stories that go like this . . . . Feeling beautiful is easy when your pant size is petite – It’s important to place everyone else’s needs before my own – Anyway, it would be selfish to focus on my own needs and on loving myself – If so and so loves me then I am lovable – I have made too many mistakes and therefore don’t deserve my love – I do love this part of me but I hate that part – I will give myself a break and some attention when I have jumped through every last hoop to prove I am worthy.

And on and on they go. After a lifetime of such confusing messages from our inner voice and the outside world, it’s no wonder self-love gets scooted under the rug and, hiding there, trampled upon.

Rather than letting our self-love collect dust in an unnoticed place, what if we pull it back out into the light and recognize it as sacred ground from which a love-filled, joy-filled life will flow? Sacred ground because without self-love, the foundation on which we craft our relationships with self and others, the very way we live our lives, is on shaky footing at best.

It can be easy for our self-love to hide out, withhold itself – because we do not see ourselves as good enough just as we are. When it comes to self-care, the steps we take may be half-hearted and inconsistent – because we bump into the underlying belief that we are not worthy of such loving attention. In contrast, when we feel self-love, we have a greater capacity to love others, we hold nothing back of ourselves and the gifts we have to share, and we radiate a feel-good energy. Exquisite self-care flows effortlessly from a woman who stands on the sacred ground of self-love.

The paths to greater self-love are many and diverse. They are heart paths and therefore different for each woman. There is no destination to “get to” along the path; the quality of the journey defines it, and you. A great way to set your intention and awareness on greater self-love is to ask, “How is self-love reflected in my life and my way of being today?”.

Though some women face barriers to self-love that are much bigger than others, we can all take steps in this moment to move in the direction of greater self-stewardship and self-love. Here are a few simple statements you may choose to weave into your day to promote enhanced self-love:

Get over having to be perfect. Leaving behind a manufactured image of beauty can be an ongoing growth edge. Play there. Stay there. Know that the greater your ability to accept your own flaws and imperfections and to recognize the beauty that is you, the better you’ll be at accepting that and seeing that in others.

If we are stuck on beating ourselves up, whether over a less-than-successful diet or a big mistake on our part, we are restricted in our ability to be loving towards ourselves.

Would you buy yourself flowers, give yourself a hug, ask for help, or give yourself permission to take a nap? Ask this question and then act on it in creative ways.

Of all the things we may want to do for others, words we may want to share, how we show up in the world is the most powerful thing we communicate in our lives.

Though it is easy to get caught up in the whys and hows – how did I get here? Why me? Where did this belief come from?  – it’s far more productive to just shift, just shift into more self-loving words and behaviors. Day by day you’ll feel your roots go deep, feel how solid your footing is, and freely express more and more of who you are. From this place holistic self-care will become the reflection of that self-love. Rather than being one more thing on your to-do list, self-care will be a natural aspect of how you live your life.

What, exactly, is holistic self-care? For many women, when they think about self-care the first thing that comes to mind is a massage or a bubble bath. Both are great, but there is so much more.

Holistic self-care encompasses all areas of our lives and asks from every vantage point, “What would represent the greatest self-care in this situation?” As an example, we might be evaluating our physical environment and feeling choked and cluttered, that our home really does not feel like home, or longing for a special corner where we can be creative. By asking, “What can I do to upgrade the space I live in to reflect exquisite self-care?” we begin to see solutions that transform the space we live in into space we love. And we learn – we know – that by doing so we are enhancing our overall well-being. 

As another example, it can be transformational on other fronts to look through the lens of holistic self-care as we evaluate and craft lifestyle and health choices. What about our relationships, our finances, our work, our spiritual practices – how would we upgrade our lives if we viewed each through the lens of holistic self-care? Ask yourself, “What facets of my life could use some cherishing, loving, nurturing? The possibilities are as diverse as we are.

The practice of holistic self-care gives us a new way of being in the world. Coupled with self-love it provides a rock-solid foundation from which to design and live passion-filled, joy-filled lives.